I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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