some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
