I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
