Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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