Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
