I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
