I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
