i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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