D3 body, D1 cock
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
