I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
