Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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