Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
