i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
