I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
