Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
