just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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