Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize