the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It's just like the Real World with babies
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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