One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
