I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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