Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
