Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
