Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
