Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
