it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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