Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
