that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
