That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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