Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
50% drunk capacity currently
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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