i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
