You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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