eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I have post one night stand depression
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
