Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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