You were right. It hurts to walk today.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
