so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My breasts were aching with rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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