So drunk, too bad you don't want this
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
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I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
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When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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