I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
