bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
