Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
