Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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