i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
