My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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