1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
my shit smells like andre
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
