You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
