I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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