A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
