I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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