I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
