my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
