I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
