Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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