he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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