Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Randomize
