The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize