I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Randomize
