Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
