In the future we'll all be gay
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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