My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
