Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
