We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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