worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
