Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
