You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
