dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i out mim tonsoeep
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