Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
