I think I died a long time ago.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
