There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
