yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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