I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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