so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
