I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
