I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
