I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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