As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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