At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The uberlube is also flammable
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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